Amazon. What a wonderfully crafted email they just sent my way (straight from the lads’ mag marketing department), entitled:

Great gifts from £5.99 for her this Christmas at

There were the usual laughable excuses for presents, but they saved the best ’till last:

Wow. Now that’s the way to a memorable christmas morning:

“Merry Xmas darling. I think you’re fat.”

Although the alternatives in that line up aren’t too great either:

“Get in the kitchen and bake me something.”
“Your teeth are disgusting, and you’re too lazy to do anything about it yourself.”
“You eat too many pizzas, you salad-dodger. Go drink a carrot.”
“See, it’s so easy to make coffee now even you can do it, so you’ll be able to bring me one in bed each morning.”

What, no D-I-Y Botox for the ugly people ?