Bouffant Wind Scale

Meteorological scales like Beaufort are an essential part of tasks such as building, shipping or rigging work where real people regularly face conditions which truly threaten life, but there’s a class of First World Problems that could benefit from a more refined scale to which everyday people can relate, and which answers essential questions, such as:

When cycling to work on a windy day, how presentable will your hair be immediately upon arrival at the office ?

Inspired by Scary Duck’s awesome Scaryduckworth-Lewis rating method, I’ve done my bit with this helpful guide:

  1. No maintenance required: perfect turnout
  2. Some light work need, but fingers generally enough
  3. Comb and/or brush work needed
  4. Requires a mirror*, comb and/or brush
  5. Requires comb/brush, water and a mirror
  6. A mirror, product and/or hairspray essential
  7. Showertime – nothing else can help
  8. An emergency Marine buzz-cut is the only thing possible for your Gorgon-scaring coiffure

(* Of course, cameraphones turned to Selfie are optional if over 40, de rigueur if under)

Right, now to get that onto the BBC/ITV weather, hopefully before the Pollen count.

Original image © Mike Baird

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