Meteorological scales like Beaufort are an essential part of tasks such as building, shipping or rigging work where real people regularly face conditions which truly threaten life, but there’s a class of First World Problems that could benefit from a more refined scale to which everyday people can relate, and which answers essential questions, such as:

When cycling to work on a windy day, how presentable will your hair be immediately upon arrival at the office ?

Inspired by Scary Duck’s awesome Scaryduckworth-Lewis rating method, I’ve done my bit with this helpful guide:

  1. No maintenance required: perfect turnout
  2. Some light work need, but fingers generally enough
  3. Comb and/or brush work needed
  4. Requires a mirror*, comb and/or brush
  5. Requires comb/brush, water and a mirror
  6. A mirror, product and/or hairspray essential
  7. Showertime – nothing else can help
  8. An emergency Marine buzz-cut is the only thing possible for your Gorgon-scaring coiffure

(* Of course, cameraphones turned to Selfie are optional if over 40, de rigueur if under)

Right, now to get that onto the BBC/ITV weather, hopefully before the Pollen count.

Original image © Mike Baird